Does Increased Parental Emotional Investment Help Change an Athlete’s Outcomes?

Over the years, I’ve come to realize there are many types of youth sports parents. Some seem relaxed and unfazed by wins or losses. Others ride every pitch, every swing, and every call as if the outcome determines the fate of the world. Most of us fall somewhere in between.

If I’m being honest, I’ve often leaned closer to the extreme end of that spectrum.

I’m not proud of that, and I certainly don’t want to be that parent. I know our kids are just playing a game. I know failure is part of sports and part of life. Yet, over the course of our youth sports journey, my emotional investment has been off the charts. Because of that, I’ve struggled at times to handle my athlete’s failures—even when I know those moments are necessary for growth.

Recently, I had a conversation with my good friend, Dr. Vanessa Shannon, a Certified Mental Performance Coach. We were discussing emotional investment and how deeply parents can feel the highs and lows of their child’s performance. During that conversation, we posed this question and it  stuck with me:

“If your emotional investment were half, would the player’s result have been any different?”

That question hit me right between the eyes.

To add some perspective, I’m the kind of dad who often watches games by myself, usually down the line in the outfield, so my anxiousness doesn’t spill over and affect my kids. They know I’m there. They know I’m watching. They just may not know exactly where I am. That distance has been my way of managing my own emotions while still supporting them.

I’ve always admired the parents who can sit together in the stands, laugh, and carry on conversations while the game unfolds. I’ve tried to do that myself, but truth be told, it’s never come naturally to me. My mind tends to be locked in on every play, every at-bat, every outcome.

And that leads me to a hard question I’ve had to ask myself:

Why do I feel this way?

Does my level of nervousness or anxiousness actually help my child succeed?

Deep down, I know the answer is no.

My worrying does not make them hit the ball harder.

My stress does not make them throw strikes.

My anxiety does not change the scoreboard.

What it can change, however, is my own experience and potentially theirs.

Reflecting on this has helped me realize something important. I cannot control my child’s success or failure, no matter how emotionally invested I am. But I can control how I show up as a parent. I can choose to be steady instead of tense. Supportive instead of reactive. Present instead of overwhelmed.

That realization has given me a new perspective moving forward.

I still care deeply. I still want them to succeed. That will never change. But I’m learning that my role is not to carry the pressure for them, it’s to create an environment where they can compete, grow, and learn from both success and failure.

So here is the takeaway I’m trying to remind myself of:

Your level of anxiety does not determine your child’s outcome.

Your support, consistency, and presence do.

I’m not claiming to have this figured out. Like most parents, I’m still learning as I go. But the next time I feel my emotions starting to rise during a game, I’m going to take a breath, step back, and remind myself of one simple truth:

They’re playing the game.

I’m just blessed to watch.